In exclusive interview for the March 2013 issue of Revolver magazine, Jolie Lucker, the widow of SUICIDE SILENCE frontman Mitch Lucker, remembers her husband, the father of her daughter and one of the most charismatic and beloved metal vocalists of his generation. A couple of excerpts from the chat follow below.

Revolver: How has [Mitch‘s five-year-old daughter] Kenadee taken his death?

Jolie: Hard. She understands, though. She actually goes to a Christian school. I’ve never been religious — she goes to a private school because of the quality of education — but she’s learning about God, Heaven, and all of that. The day he passed away, I sat with her teacher and we took her into the chapel. I wasn’t stable. I couldn’t even comprehend what happened. My emotions were making her pissed. She was so mad, but she got it. She’d tell me, “Daddy died in a motorcycle accident. Are you going to keep crying?” It’s rough. She’s used to him being on tour, but once it hits the six-month mark, I think she’ll understand. Right now, he could be on tour and coming back. It’s killing me inside, but I swear to God he does shit around our house. He used to catch bugs for her all the time and put them in jars. They would go bug hunting and get spiders, snails, and butterflies and put them in mason jars. He would pop holes in the top. We woke up this morning, and we had just moved into this new house two days ago, everything is fucking scrambled. I had this vase sitting next to the front door. She goes, “Oh my God, mommy! There’s a moth in here!” The vase is really tiny at the top — it couldn’t have gotten in there in any other way. I swear to God he did that. He’s doing stuff like that for her just so she knows that daddy is still here. She thinks the stars are him. She thinks the brightest star is him. We’ll go outside and say goodnight. One of our best friend’s husband is deaf, so we know sign language. So we’ll do the hand sign for “I love you” a lot up at the stars. She’ll look up while we’re driving and start doing that hand sign for “I love you,” and sometimes at night, she’ll say, “I love you, daddy. When is daddy coming home from Heaven?” She gets really angry about it. It’s heartbreaking.

Revolver: After he passed, you had a private service. What was that like?

Jolie: It was beautiful. The clothes I picked out for him for the viewing were ones that really meant a lot to us. It was the outfit he wore to our rehearsal dinner when we got married. I had him placed in a simple gray casket, so all of our friends and family could sign it and write notes to him. He was buried with this special picture of him and Kenadee he loved. At the viewing, he had his left hand over the picture, holding it close to his chest. It was fucking hard. The band’s manager made a flag with the artwork for “The Black Crown” on it. We had TVs repeating a big collage of all these pictures of him, his family, and his band. We had all these songs playing. I lost it to one song. I had gone into the viewing first, and it started playing Lucero‘s “Slow Dancing”. That was the song playing during our first dance at our wedding. I just freaked out. It was bad. Later, we had a lot of SUICIDE SILENCE songs playing. I made it like it was his last night onstage. If you saw SUICIDE SILENCE live in the last year, he walks onstage to “March to the Black Crown”. When he was being carried out, we had that song playing.

Revolver: It sounds like you bid farewell to him in a thoughtful way.

Jolie: He was awesome. It’s just a tragedy. Devastating. My heart is crushed.

Pictured below: Mitch Lucker‘s wife Jolie